


Trading Quotes

by Diary



Category: Scandal (TV)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Gay Character, Canon Queer Character, Coffee, Coffee Shop, Dark Character, Gen, Honesty, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Tom meet to talk about Cyrus. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trading Quotes

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Scandal.

Michael sits down in the café.

“Thank you for-”

“Save it. We’re both here. Talk.”

Tom nods. “You don’t love him. That’s not a question, and I’m not going to make any accusations tonight. You don’t love him. You might want him or think you need him, and him being with me might hurt or anger or sadden you, but you don’t love him.”

“And you do?”

“I’m not the one who issued an ultimatum. When we were together, I didn’t know whether he was touching you or not. I wouldn’t have been happy if I did know, but I wouldn’t have tried to get him to leave you.”

“Thanks,” is the sarcastic reply.

Then, Michael lets out a heavy sigh. “I love Ella. ‘Not your daughter, James’s daughter.’ James Novak was her father. He loved her and cared for her, and someday, he will be her father again. Right now, though, he can’t be here for her. I can. I am.”

“On the financial side, Cyrus is beyond reproach. When it comes to keeping her happy while teaching her right from wrong, making sure she’s well-fed and eating healthy, and trying to make sure she never feels like an outcast for having three dads and being a black girl in a predominately white school- all of that falls to me. I haven’t quite gotten the best way to discipline her when it’s necessary down yet, but I am trying.”

Swallowing, he says, “She’s already lost one dad. She was barely three, but she still remembers him. What she might think when she gets old enough to navigate the internet and finds the pictures of me and Cyrus, finds out what was I and what he did- If we’re a stable family, that might help minimise the damage.”

“It might,” Tom agrees. “But eventually, she’s going to realise you and Cyrus aren’t in love. This is genuine curiosity: is that the message you want to send to her? Someday, if she has children, do you think she should stay with a person she doesn’t love, who might not love her back, for their sake?”

“This is different.”

“Whether it is or isn’t, do you think she’ll see it that way?”

Michael sighs.

“There’s this book, Coffee and Cigarettes by Sade Andria Zabala,” Tom tells him. “In it, there’s a quote, ‘Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway.’ Maybe there was a time when, if only something had been a tiny different, Cyrus could have fallen in love with you. I know he does have a genuine respect and fondness for you. He recognises how important you are to Ella and for her.”

“But he didn’t fall in love with you. I don’t know much about your former profession, how you feel about it, or how you feel now, but try to believe me when I say that, whatever you’ve done in your life that you’re not proud of, that you wish you could change, it’s nowhere near as bad as some of the things he and I have done. You aren’t naïve, a dreamer, maybe, but not naïve. You know that what I’m saying in is true.”

Letting out a sound small, Michael says, “You sound like him. Yeah, you’re right, he didn’t fall in love with me. He- hated me when the photos came out. Maybe I deserved- then, he saw everything. He saw what made me, you could say. He saw every weakness inside me that I never wanted anyone to see. And he- well, I thought he stopped. On our wedding day, he told me how much of a relief it was that we’d never fall in love. He promised me honesty, and he promised he’d be there for me. I wouldn’t be alone.”

“I took the marriage seriously. Tried to make him happy. Eventually, he agreed that we could try making it real. Sleeping in one bed, not seeing other people, being a real family. What I just can’t get, though, is- he never cheated on anyone. When he was dating women, when he married one, he never gave in. And this isn’t meant as an insult to you, but he had his soulmate when James was alive.”

Tom is quiet for a long moment. “I can’t answer why he didn’t tell you afterwards, but the first time, he honestly didn’t mean for it to happen. I wanted it, and I made my move at the exact right moment. Things happened before he could think of anything else, and once they started happening-”

“Why stop when you’ve already gotten this far,” Michael supplies. “Yeah, I’ve done that before. Had it done to me once or twice.”

“You could tell him every terrible thing you’ve ever done, and it wouldn’t matter,” Tom says. “He still wouldn’t love you. He’d still acknowledge how good you are for Ella. I can’t stop you from disagreeing, but the truth is that, if he told you every terrible thing he’s done, you’d never be able to love him. If nothing else, for Ella’s sake, it’s better you know he’s someone with dark secrets that neither of you should have to suffer knowing. He’d never hurt her, and he is legally her father. Him doing bad things doesn’t negate these facts, and if you ever truly tried to keep her from him-”

“I know,” Michael quietly says.

“I’m not a good person, either,” Tom tells him. “He can tell me all those bad things, and I can tell him mine. You deserve that, too. There’s someone out there who could love you.”

Looking at him, Michael leans further back into the booth. “You’re reluctant to even say his name. You dance around the subject of love when it comes to you and him even though you’re obviously in love with him. Think I’m the problem here?”

Tom looks away for a few seconds. “If he didn’t tell you, I used to be Secret Service. One of the people I worked with before joining used to say that, the best we could possibly hope for in a relationship is someone we weren’t sure we could successfully kill in their sleep but were sure they could kill us in our sleep. This person had a- darkly cynical sense of humour, but replace emotions with killing, and that’s what I subscribe to. I doubt I could ever emotionally devastate Cyrus. He’s shown he can and will hurt me when it suits him.”

Michael shakes his head. “Why do you love him? Maybe you can’t answer that, but when did you fall for him? What about him in general attracts you to him?”

“You could say I’m a military brat. I never had parents, but I was in military school since I was ten. I joined the navy at seventeen. Things weren’t as bad as they were when he was younger, but I think you and I both remember some of the ways it wasn’t a good thing to experience attraction to men when we were younger.”

Making a sympathetic noise, Michael nods.

“Aside from a horrible beard, when I first saw him, I liked the way he looked. Then, I saw how brilliant and charismatic he was. But aside from the fact I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardise the career I had worked and sacrificed for since I was a kid, James Novak was around. I saw them before they were married. It’s not an insult to either of us to say that James was his soulmate. You know how much he misses him. I know how much he truly loved him. When James was around, neither of us could have ever gotten that exact moment.”

“Believe it or not,” Michael says, “I’ve been trying really hard not to judge you. But you want someone who’s hurt you, who you know is probably never going to return your feelings. Never mind that, if we get divorced in the future, you don’t really have a guarantee you won’t be the one cheated on, do you?”

“Being monogamous doesn’t mean you love someone. It means you’re choosing to engage in monogamy,” Tom replies. “Cyrus loved James so much that he never wanted anyone else. He wasn’t in love with his ex-wife, but for various reasons, he chose to make and keep his vow of fidelity.”

“No, I don’t have a guarantee. I literally know him better than anyone else does. He can be completely honest and free with me. And I know just how to give him exactly what he wants in bed. But then, on the last one, I imagine you do, too. I never complained when he was touching you. No one can fulfil his emotional needs the way I can, and so, even if he sleeps with someone else, I’m still going to be important in a way that they never will be.”

“And how does that make you and me any different if I choose to stay?”

“I don’t have a daughter,” Tom answers. “I don’t have anyone looking up to me, needing me to set a good example.”

“Right,” Michael says. He laughs. “The thing is, it turns out, a person can finally get to a point where they stop believing. I- everything in me believed that someone was going to love me. That I’d get my dream wedding. Have someone who I could tell all those bad things to and know that they’d still see me as something precious, something special.”

“That- that’s not going to happen. But that’s also okay. Ella is beautiful and special and precious, and I’m going to make sure she never settles for someone who doesn’t recognise this and treat her how she deserves. You want Cyrus? Well, right now, divorce isn’t an option, but have fun screwing him. Don’t ever come near my daughter, his daughter, our daughter. And if we do ever divorce, if Cyrus isn’t willing to be reasonable, you’re going to want to try to make him be. Because, you’re right, I don’t want to know all the bad things about him, and maybe it’d end horribly for me, but I’d fight with everything I have to make sure that I get primary physical custody. He can visit or call as often as he likes, but she lives with me, and I make the day-to-day parenting decisions. Not really that different from right now.”

Tom nods.

Michael stands up but pauses next to Tom’s side. “Since we’re apparently trading quotes, here’s one: ‘No one is afraid of heights, they're afraid of falling down. No one is afraid of saying I love you, they're afraid of the answer.’ Be careful, Tom Larsen. You have hope. Hope that Cyrus Beene might be able to love you one day, that maybe he already does, he’s just scared and in denial. Either way, part of you believes, and if you’re wrong, you don’t have anyone to draw strength from when you find yourself unable to keep believing.”

He leaves.


End file.
